Even though I am surrounded by people who love me, and I have a wonderful family and a beautiful child, I get lonely sometimes. I don’t think I am the only mommy who feels this way either. I was pondering this earlier, and I think it’s because a lot of mom’s tend to inadvertently isolate themselves. Not necessarily physically, but mentally. They’re so hyper-focused on what their kids need and what their husband/boyfriend/significant other needs (if there is one in the picture) and even what the rest of their family (their parents etc) need, that they (we) forget to think about what we need.
So, here’s a selfish blog today, just for me.
What do I need?
1. I need time to myself. Time to write and time to read. Time to breathe and relax and not feel guilty about not taking care of my daughter or doing laundry or doing dishes or doing one of a million things that feel so urgently important. I need me time in order to appreciate the family time that I have been gifted with. I need time to recharge.
2. I need more hugs. Hugs from my husband seem to have gotten lost somewhere in the shuffle between B and moving and stressing about money and running from one thing to the next constantly. In the last few days, I have sought (and received!) more hugs, and felt better for it. Physical contact with your loved ones in the midst of chaos and stress is very reassuring!
3. I need to structure my days better. It’s still okay to take a nap when B naps, but it would be better to go to bed at decent hour at night and get things done while she sleeps so I don’t feel so unproductive. (Unproductive feelings lead to depressed feelings…no good!)
4. I need more time with my friends. This one is tough because everybody leads such busy lives. But with a little extra effort, we could make it happen!
5. I need a hobby. My old hobby was planning Disney Vacations. I can’t afford that for the foreseeable future, so I need a new hobby…or to become a Travel Agent so I can plan other people’s vacations for them and live vicariously through their adventures…WHAT A DREAM JOB! 🙂 No, seriously…I would love to learn how to decorate cakes or take a culinary class or learn how to knit or crochet. I need a hobby to keep me occupied when I start to feel lonely.
6. I need to take care of me. I haven’t taken the time to do my hair since…well…I can’t remember the last time I styled my hair in a more complicated style than a pony-tail or messy bun. I need to find a way to take time to make myself feel beautiful.
7. I need to get in shape. Even if it’s a different shape than before I was pregnant, I need to get toned and fit again. I feel better when I run regularly. I need a running buddy!
8. I need to start writing in earnest again. I’ve been saying that I want to write a novel for years. Time to stop talking and actually WRITE.
9. I need to let people in. Somewhere along the line, I acquired a terrible habit of keeping people at arm’s length. They can try as hard as they want to get close to me, but I’ll keep them just as close (far) as I want them, and that’s that. Of course, I also need to be wiser about who I DO choose to let in. Nearly every time I’ve let someone new close enough to hurt me in the last fifteen years, they’ve taken my trust and shattered it into tiny pieces. A self-fulfilling prophecy, perhaps?
10. I need to stop the guilt game. That mommy guilt thing is awful, and it seems like EVERY mommy deals with it. Lets all stop playing that one, shall we?
There. Those are my ten selfish wants/needs today. I’ll post a non-selfish blog some time over the weekend.